Thursday, July 31, 2008

Nice guys finish last?!?

GG and I went out for lunch today to a nice Indian buffet restaurant. There were only a few people there, but at the table next to us was occupied by three people, two men and one women. I wasn't really paying attention to them and their conversation, but the one male was at times a bit louder and so I could hear bits and pieces of what he was saying. At one point, he said "Men want only attractive women. There is nothing you or I can do about that." GG leaned over to me and said, "the Fat Princess controversy is taking over." Later on, the one guy continued about his dating life, how he is a nice guy and yet he can't find a date. He also commented that he was 37 and still looking. I couldn't hear all of what he was saying, but based upon what I could hear and the body language of the women at the table he obviously was being a misogynistic asshole. Just FYI the other guy was seemed to be quiet the whole time and really didn't seem to want to get anywhere near the conversation. I think I even heard him try to steer the conversation in other ways, but to no avail the "nice guy" really wanted to talk about how he was a nice guy and that women just didn't seem to get this. Now I want to go back to the first statement I heard him say about men wanting attractive women, he is absolutely 100% correct about this. The issue is that what I find attractive is not necessarily what you find attractive and what you find attractive is not necessarily what I find attractive. All humans, male and female, are trying to find mates that they find attractive, I mean no one goes out thinking wow that person is really unattractive, I want to be in a relationship with them. We try to find what we find attractive in people and for those of us who are not asshats, it is more than just their physical appearance. So, yes, he is right, we do want to find partners who are attractive to us, but the issue is when someone tries to define what should be attractive to everyone.

The other issue I have with this guy and any man who has to argue that he is a "nice guy" is if you are a nice guy, why are you arguing about this? I know plenty of men who are nice, who are not asshats, who are sensitive and caring and you know what, not one of them has to argue with someone else about being a nice guy. Hell most of them do not brag about being a "nice guy". So if you have to proclaim your niceness to others to convince them of it, than you are not a nice guy.

1 comment:

Comrade Kevin said...

There will always be misogynistic chauvinistic men, and since you try so hard not to be one (and good for you) I can understand why this affects you so profoundly.

Men like that really get me upset too.