Sunday, December 2, 2007

The secrets of real men? What bullshit!!

I was reading Figleaf's blog, who if you are not reading you really should be reading, he does an amazing job of looking at sexuality and feminism from a male perspective. Anyway, he had this post about an article in Rebook that had made its way onto WebMD about the 11 secrets that real men have that they don't tell their wives. I got annoyed at the idea that a magazine for women and a supposed medical site would be perpetuating these stupid misogynist myths and legends. I got annoyed that supposedly men are the superior being and so they have to keep things from their wives or something, I am not sure. I was pissed so I couldn't think straight. So I decided not to look at the original article and just move on, I knew it would only piss me off. I figured Figleaf and the site he had originally seen it on, had done such a great job of dispelling these myths that I didn't need to post another with my own annoyances. Well guess what, I went to WebMD because I think I am developing a bit of a lactose intolerance and I wanted to check. So, the article was there and of course now that I could see it, I had to read it and of course I got all pissed off again and even more so after actually reading the article. I almost posted this last night as I couldn't sleep, but I decided to get some sleep and post about it this morning. So what I am proposing is that I am going to post these "secrets" according to the article and then call bullshit on every motherfucking one of them.

Secret #1: Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day -- but it doesn't mean we want to leave you
The gist of this "secret" is that it is OK for a man to ogle another woman. Now I do like to look at other women even when I am in a relationship, but the point here is that I am able to, one control myself if I know it will bother my partner and I check out their face. The problem as I see it is that men feel that this covers just staring at a woman's ass or boobs and then saying, oh well, I was just looking. No, you were dehumanizing another person and that is not OK. Second, most women check out other men, this is not a solely male thing and by saying such we are just denying that women are sexual beings. Third, most women that I know are not worried that you will leave them when you look at another women, but are annoyed that you are being rude and an asshole when you stare at a woman's boobs or ass.

Secret #2: We actually do play golf to get away from you
And women go shopping, have girls nights out, play bridge or whatever else it is they do so that they can get away from you. Both genders, at times, want a break from the craziness that can be domestic life, so what the fuck is your point? You really think women are so stupid that they don't know that you need a break once in a while, shut the fuck up and not be such an asshat.

Secret #3: We're unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we've made one to you
Shut the fuck up already. This is not a solely male issue, there are women who are scared of commitment as well. It can be a scary thought to think that you will have to deal with and live with the same person for the rest of your life, but get over yourself and get a fucking life, if you love her then shut the fuck up already about the whole commitment thing. And I hate the fact that it is portrayed as all men are scared of commitment and all women are ready to get married from the age of 8. Some men have no commitment issues and some women do have commitment issues. This is a matter of personality, not a matter of gender.

Secret #4: Earning money makes us feel important
Oh get over yourself. If you are that insecure that you are worried that your wife or girlfriend is going to make more money that you, than ya know what buddy, you need to get a grip on reality.

Secret #5: Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house
I guess that means that me and many other men are not "real men". I hate fixing things, I am not handy and so I have no interest in trying to fix everything. There are people in this world who can fix things and some that cannot, I cannot. And so do not stereotype all men in finding some secret glee in being able to fix everything. I could give a shit less about fixing shit. Hell, if you can fix it yourself please do so. I will definitely give it a try, but I am not promising any kind of results.

Secret #6: We like it when you mother us, but we're terrified that you'll become your mother
Everyone, that includes men AND women, like to be cared for at times. When I am sick, yeah it is nice when there is someone there to baby me a bit, it is nice to be cared for, but when the other person is sick, I am just as willing to take care of them. This is about caring for that special person in your life and allowing them to take care of you when you need it. In the comments for this one, there is an apology to Gloria Steinhem, WTF!!!!

Secret #7: Every year we love you more

Well yeah, shouldn't your love grow. OK so maybe I am a bit idealistic about this, but still if that is a big secret that you don't tell your wife, than you have issues like this guy. "It took at least a year before I really started to appreciate my wife for something other than just great sex; and I didn't discover her mind fully until the third year we were married," says Newton. "But the older and wiser I get, the more I love my wife." It took you three years of marriage to figure out your wife had a brain, you are a sad excuse for a human being and make me ashamed that I call myself a man.

Secret #8: We don't really understand what you're talking about
This one is, I guess, about the fact that men, supposedly, cannot understand when a women comes to him to discus their relationship. Um yeah I guess if it takes you three years to figure out your wife has a brain you may have an issue understanding "complex" relationship issues like putting the seat down after you pee or that she is stressed out cause you work a lot and she is trying to help the kids do their homework, get food on the table and have a career all while you do jackshit. Quit being an asshat (I really wanted to come up with a better/another word, but I couldn't so I am going with asshat.)

Secret #9: We are terrified when you drive
Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck kind of bullshit is this? Sure I prefer to drive but that is because if I don't drive I will fall asleep, but if you don't care if I fall asleep that you can drive all you want. If you are really scared of your wife's driving you are a wanker.

Secret #10: We'll always wish we were 25 again
And I am sure most women wish they were younger too, how fucking egocentric can you get here?

Secret #11: Give us an inch and we'll give you a lifetime
This one goes both ways. Both genders like to have some freedom in their relationship. The guy uses the fact that his girlfriend encouraged him to go on a vacation by himself as the moment at which he decided he wanted to marry her. This goes back up to a previous "secret", did ya ever think she just wanted to get rid of you for a while? She needed a break from you and was more than glad to let you go on your little surf vacation. That is called an adult relationship, where you trust each other and do not feel that you have to spend every waking minute with each other. Chances are that she had no interest in going on a surf vacation, but knew that it would make you happy and so she wanted you to go. She also probably saw it as a chance to have some time to do what she wanted to do whether it is hang out with her girlfriends, read a book, watch a movie or just have the house to herself without your whiny, sniveling, misogynistic, wanker ass around for a while.

So what did we learn? That apparently sexism is alive and well in America and that some men are worthless pieces of shit. Yes, I am being a bit harsh on men especially considering I am one, but it is men like these who write these articles or comment in these articles that make me embarrassed to be a man and make my life that much harder as I have to fight against the fucking stereotypes just to prove that not all men have the brain the size of a walnut and only think with their dicks so yeah I get riled up when I read this shit.

Have a great day!!!!!


FranIAm said...

You know its always so freaking refreshing to see us all reduced to mindless and idiotic stupid stereotypes.


They have not met my husband, let alone you or many other men.

Anonymous said...

Great post, Boxer.

You've laid it out beautifully here, but let me sum it up....there are no secrets that apply to us all as one gender or another.

The exercise that you've gone through to blow holes in this kind of nonsense was a pleasure to read because as a youngish male, you understand that the stereotypes serve a purpose, to divide, to complicate, to manipulate people into behaving as if the other is the enemy.

You're wise beyond your years.

GourmetGoddess said...

I find these articles so annoying. Their basic presupposition is that men are inherently selfish fuckers. And, honestly, if this is what a potential male partner (generic) might think abuot me and a relationship with me? well, it's enough to make me even pickier than I already am.

What's even more annoying is that I am sure many of the men and women from my hometown area would likely nod their heads in agreement with these 'secrets." And it is sad because they have this philosophical idea of what males and females should be, and it is an idea that totally clashes with their reality. I grew up being told that girls were the stereotypical sugar and spice and all things nice, wear a dress, bend over backwards for your man, don't be too physical, etc etc. All the while being surrounded by these incredibly strong farm women and female lumberjacks and sheriffs. They live in schizophrenia land. Sometimes, I wonder how I made it out alive and sane! And knowing how to hammer a nail and bake cookies!